Sandy assists divorcing couples achieve successful, equitable financial settlements, using negotiation or mediation. The end of marriage can be difficult enough. Often how it ends only adds to the pain. Former partners often see each other as adversaries, and divorces as a battleground. Most feel confusion, anger and loss. Many find it difficult to see an end to the process, much less imagine a positive, hopeful future. Sandy provides professional and supportive assistance to clients and their attorneys regarding the financial aspects of a divorce – from tax consequences, to pension/retirement divisions, to COBRAs and health care options, and more – while educating both spouses in financial literacy. His counseling background also helps spouses effectively deal with the anxieties and fears surrounding the settlement process.
Mediated Divorce - What is it?
A growing number of couples seek a way to negotiate their divorces rather than ligitating. Mediation is a popular process. Spouses can just use a mediator, or could each choose to use a lawyer along with a mediator. They can bring in specialists, such as financial, parenting, coaches, vocational, mortgage, etc. as they need.
Mediation is a reasonable approach to divorce based on three principles:
1) A pledge not to go to court
2) An honest exchange of information by both spouses
3) A solution that takes into account the highest priorities of both adults and their children.
Mutual respect is fundamental to the collaborative way. You may cease being spouses, but you don’t cease being worthy human beings. When respect is given and received, discussions are likely to be more productive and an agreement reached more easily.
A Pledge To Cooperate
The key difference between Mediation and conventional divorce is the pledge to reach an agreement before going to court. You and your spouse keep control of the decisions yourselves, rather than giving it up to a judge. In order to accomplish that, all of the parties consent in writing to be part of a process that leads to an out-of-court resolution. With Mediation, the goal is to develop effective relationships, solve problems jointly, and prevent a court battle.
Open Communication
Even under the best of circumstances, communication can be strained as a relationship is ending. Yet keeping the lines of communication open is essential for reaching an agreement. Mediation provides for face-to-face meetings with you, your spouse, and your respective lawyers. These sessions are intended to produce an honest exchange of information and expression of needs and expectations. When the issues are openly discussed, problem solving can be direct and solutions-oriented.
An Agreement Everyone Can Live With
If you’ve reached a decision about separation, you may be reassured to know that Mediation focuses on attaining resolution. Throughout, the mediation process emphasizes cooperating to find solutions. And instead of being an endless airing of grievances, mediation encourages people to reach a workable settlement by building on areas of mutual agreement.
Support When You Need It
Divorce usually involves many considerations, from concern for children to financial questions to property matters. Along with handling the overall emotional impact, managing by yourself can be difficult. For that reason, you may choose to utilize a specialist to help in specific areas. You may want to use a financial specialist, child specialist, vocational counselor to help find constructive solutions to deal with separation’s wide-ranging issues and establish goals for the future.
A Focus On The Future
Divorce ends a marriage but need not sever family ties or relationships. Especially when children are involved, lifelong responsibilities remain. By preserving respect and encouraging cooperation, Mediation can help parents and children keep family bonds while embracing new lives. Divorce will always remain a significant life event. Mediation can lead you and your families to a compassionate ending, and a healthy new beginning.
What Professional Help is Needed?
Going through divorce or separation can make you feel isolated and alone, unsure of where to turn for support and advice. Some couples are able to sit down and talk and reach an agreement without any assistance. Many want to hire an attorney or other professional to help them with this process. Each expert can help you manage the many aspects of divorce—the legal issues, the emotional turmoil, the concerns for children and the financial and property questions. With such support you’ll feel more in control of the process itself, and better equipped to begin a new life afterwards.
Lawyer: Though Mediation seeks to avoid going to court, the settlement is still a legal agreement. Therefore, it is essential that a lawyer be involved to advise you on all matters of law, from child custody and support to maintenance agreements to financial settlements to financial settlements and property distribution. Many lawyers have made a commitment to working with mediators.
Mediator: Mediators come in all shapes and sizes - they may be former judges/commissioners, or are attorneys or other professional who has completed significant mediation training. Just as with all professionals, you should ask for the training and background. They will help each of you to communicate your needs and work with you to find mutual understanding and agreement.
Financial Specialist: The divorce settlement will in part determine your financial well-being for many years to come. It is critical that it be soundly structured, especially if your spouse assumed more responsibility for your family’s finances. The guidance of a financial specialist will help protect your interests. Reviewing all assets and incomes, the financial specialist will assist you in analyzing viable financial options for your future. Evaluating the choices, you and your lawyer can then construct a comprehensive plan for the next stage of your life.
Child Specialist: Children may suffer most from divorce, and be least able to understand or express their feelings. Their world is being turned upside down in ways that they cannot begin to comprehend. Communication with parents may be difficult, if not impossible. The child specialist, an individual skilled in understanding children, will meet with your children privately, assisting them in expressing their feelings and concerns about the divorce. Encouraging children to think creatively about the future, the child specialist then communicates their feelings, concerns and hopes to the tam to consider when planning for the children’s lives.